Oh my god. Hijja. This is amazing. YOU are amazing.
You are incredible at this. Your ability to draw out the details for maximum reaction to every event is superlative, your choices of when to change point of view brilliant, your erotic language sublime.
How fabulous this was. You had a perfect contrivance to have Lucius at Hogwarts, and the potion on his lips was such a clever device, well-logicked as to why he'd've been fed it, and how it would work to poleaxe Harry and Ron, make them aroused if unwilling participants in the events, not just paralysed captives.
How you lingered, deliciously, on every reaction! All the horror and then, later, whimpering helplessness from Harry, the fierceness that never was quenched in Ron, Lucius's anger when challenged and his reasoning behind forcing Ron to bugger Harry rather than rape the Boy Who Lived himself and let him act the innocent martyr.
I can't tell you how many time I squee'd over a particular turn of phrase. Just a few samples:
"Such a pleasant, unspoiled body – I wanted to take you right there on the spot."
The vampire imagery! Malfoy's enveloping cloak half-hid them both from sight like the man-sized wings of a bird of prey.
There was ice sloshing in Weasley's tone, a thin, frozen sheet over an insufficiently-disguised river of panic.
Almost lazily, Lucius reached out and caught the squirming armful of boy,
There was something raw in those pretty green eyes.--I love how you are careful not to feminize Harry too badly, yet you know that coming from Lucius Malfoy we need to see him cast Harry in a lightly girlish, victimised light. It's splendid. So arousing, so right.
Lucius deserved a bit of unadulterated vengeance! --That sentence--in particular that exclamation point, coming after the exposition, is ever so deft, making sure your reader isn't lulled into losing interest.
"You want our Harry to kiss you, don't you... Ronald?" Lucius inquired after a moment of racking his brain for the boy's first name – there were so many of Arthur's brood. --Such PERFECT characterization of Lucius!
And Harry, who had blushed at the thought of kissing a girl, wanted to bury his face in the spill of white hair, and something more feral inside him wanted to expose the hair at the man's groin and bury himself in that, too.--This, THIS was the moment I was ever so sorry I was reading this in semi-public. Ohhh!
as Potter bent forward to free, then nuzzle, his cock. --Oh, I went dizzy at that.
To see Potter's arrogant little mouth wrapped around Weasley's cock made up for many of the indignities Lucius had suffered today. Untutored enthusiasm was all it had ever been made out to be. --The second sentence is so rich, but I also have to congratulate you for knowing the worth of the word "little" in that first sentence.
Objectively, it wasn't as big as what Ron had seen the day he'd barged in on Charlie to show him his new fossilised Dragonette egg.--I LOVE this. LOVE how you didn't need to say another word, having conjured up eager little brother Ronniekins running into Charlie's room, to tell us what he found there and the entire denouement of it. HA!
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2006-05-09 04:32 pm (UTC)You are incredible at this. Your ability to draw out the details for maximum reaction to every event is superlative, your choices of when to change point of view brilliant, your erotic language sublime.
How fabulous this was. You had a perfect contrivance to have Lucius at Hogwarts, and the potion on his lips was such a clever device, well-logicked as to why he'd've been fed it, and how it would work to poleaxe Harry and Ron, make them aroused if unwilling participants in the events, not just paralysed captives.
How you lingered, deliciously, on every reaction! All the horror and then, later, whimpering helplessness from Harry, the fierceness that never was quenched in Ron, Lucius's anger when challenged and his reasoning behind forcing Ron to bugger Harry rather than rape the Boy Who Lived himself and let him act the innocent martyr.
I can't tell you how many time I squee'd over a particular turn of phrase. Just a few samples:
"Such a pleasant, unspoiled body – I wanted to take you right there on the spot."
The vampire imagery! Malfoy's enveloping cloak half-hid them both from sight like the man-sized wings of a bird of prey.
There was ice sloshing in Weasley's tone, a thin, frozen sheet over an insufficiently-disguised river of panic.
Almost lazily, Lucius reached out and caught the squirming armful of boy,
There was something raw in those pretty green eyes.--I love how you are careful not to feminize Harry too badly, yet you know that coming from Lucius Malfoy we need to see him cast Harry in a lightly girlish, victimised light. It's splendid. So arousing, so right.
Lucius deserved a bit of unadulterated vengeance! --That sentence--in particular that exclamation point, coming after the exposition, is ever so deft, making sure your reader isn't lulled into losing interest.
"You want our Harry to kiss you, don't you... Ronald?" Lucius inquired after a moment of racking his brain for the boy's first name – there were so many of Arthur's brood. --Such PERFECT characterization of Lucius!
And Harry, who had blushed at the thought of kissing a girl, wanted to bury his face in the spill of white hair, and something more feral inside him wanted to expose the hair at the man's groin and bury himself in that, too.--This, THIS was the moment I was ever so sorry I was reading this in semi-public. Ohhh!
as Potter bent forward to free, then nuzzle, his cock. --Oh, I went dizzy at that.
To see Potter's arrogant little mouth wrapped around Weasley's cock made up for many of the indignities Lucius had suffered today. Untutored enthusiasm was all it had ever been made out to be. --The second sentence is so rich, but I also have to congratulate you for knowing the worth of the word "little" in that first sentence.
Objectively, it wasn't as big as what Ron had seen the day he'd barged in on Charlie to show him his new fossilised Dragonette egg.--I LOVE this. LOVE how you didn't need to say another word, having conjured up eager little brother Ronniekins running into Charlie's room, to tell us what he found there and the entire denouement of it. HA!
(continued)